While I see myself a cis, I can understand why it's hard as a new thing for some. We have had the privilege of no label for so long, seen as the majority, of being 'normal'. That suddenly changing and the addition to self-identification can be an incredibly difficult thing for some to come to terms with.
[
Cis: In gender studies, cisgender and cissexual are two words used to describe related types of gender identity where an individual's self-perception of their gender matches their sex]
It was similar when 'straight' started to come into use, and I know people who struggled to identify as that and still fought for LGBT rights, and are continuing to do so (and obviously adopted the label once they were comfortable. I'm told this didn't take long). In time I hope 'cis' will be normalised, and I'm fairly confident that it will, so that people identify as such without even thinking about it. Sadly this can take time.
Lately I've seen a lot of infighting on Twitter among feminists and it's making it hard for some to identify as 'feminist', I'm among them.
It's mostly between TERFs [
Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists] and intersectional feminists, and while I understand bigotry is unacceptable and should be called out, education is a huge part of changing attitudes. The insults and abuse that have been flying around worry me. If someone says something greatly offensive I completely understand the anger there, but the pile-ons have been immense at times, and many who already have mental health problems are being impacted by it, even just by-standers who are witnessing their circle of friends, sisters, and allies falling apart.
There is so much anxiety around what we can or cannot say or even think. There is a worry among some of those witnessing it that saying something slightly wrong, or asking the wrong question, it may illicit such a reaction. There's also anxiety about getting involved in debate as a result. Another fear is that if someone else in a debate says something wrong, they are expected to step in when they're not mentally prepared to do so. We are supposed to call things out, change things; I've seen it said quite a lot and some just cannot do it for whatever reason.
I learn a lot from debate and discussion but I do fear that if I make a mistake I could get a response which leaves me in a worse state mentally. If someone else makes a mistake, I could be inundated with @ replies of an argument I've had to step out of.
I do appreciate that people get angry. There has been some utterly vile things both on social media and in the news lately. It's like someone opened a cage full of transphobics. When one of our sisters says something which is outright bigotry then I completely understand anger and frustration. If it's from a place of ignorance I would really hope that people would try and engage and point them in a direction that will educate them. After all, isn't the whole point that we're supposed to be learning?
Faced with advice or information some of those who genuinely do not understand would learn. Others are so stuck in their ways that it's not worth the frustration it causes, for those involved, for bystanders, and yes, even for the person spouting bile. It can cause that person to begin to look like a victim, particularly among those like minded. Sometimes those views, no matter how abhorrent, aren't changed.
A lot of it lately has been deliberate rather than misunderstanding or mistakes, but given that element of fear is there it makes me think. If I made a mistake and was pointed in the direction of information, told of things to think about and mill over, I would investigate the subject, think about it, and I hope I would learn. If I received abuse for either the mistake or for not understanding, I would probably move away from the subject and avoid it, for fear of further backlash. I'm appreciative of explanation if I'm wrong, but I. really apprehensive about posing any questions or getting involved in serious debate right now because of fear of that backlash if I'm ignorant of something.
While I understand that I am technically still a feminist, egalitarian sums me up far better. Given much of the equality we seek is for women and LGBT, that's obviously a huge focal point for me. I will fight for equality among all, in all ways I can, as I hope I have been. But please, if I'm wrong, point me somewhere so that I can educate myself, kindly, as I feel we should be doing. I am aware it is not anyone's job to educate me. "Don't you have google?" is a common response, but what's on google is fragmented, there are ideologies, information from different standpoints. History is, at times, written from a point of view with an agenda. Advice from some with more experience would bring many newcomers forward in leaps and bounds in their knowledge of it all.
I want to
learn about equality, women's rights, feminism, egalitarianism. If I receive what I feel is abuse for a mistake I've made out of ignorance, I will learn nothing. If I'm in fear of speaking or joining in debate, I will learn less than I otherwise would.
Another thing about the arguments lately is that they often seem to go off course. It becomes less about the initial instance which caused outrage and more about the arguing itself. People split into factions and begin going off on tangents. It becomes about whether it's acceptable to use certain language, about using certain language against women, whether it would be used the same against men. Tempers run high and little to nothing is accomplished. None of this helps to overcome the initial insult to an oppressed minority beyond a feeling of solidarity and catharsis.
The bigotry needs to stop. It must be made clear to the likes of the Daily Mail, the Sun, and so on, that rather than a critique or 'news', what they are publishing is in fact hate speech. As long as such hate speech continues to be spread in the mainstream media, these opinions are going to continue to be considered okay by many. Rather than putting our energy and ire onto one another, particularly if the individual attitudes are unlikely to change with reason and information, I wonder if perhaps we should use this energy to try and overcome that hatred at a higher level, the level that is justifying the bigotted attitudes of our society.
I understand that I will likely lose a lot of friends and allies over this, and I completely understand if your stance is different to mine and you cannot support my view. That is your choice, we all handle things differently. Worries over 'infighting' seem to be getting echoed all over the place at the moment, national newspapers are slamming feminist communities and calling us 'mobs', people are feeling silenced, and it none of it helps the cause we are fighting for; equality. Instead it fractures us.
I'm new to this, just as some others are. We don't always get things right. If we panic about asking in fear of the response we may get, it will be longer before those things we get wrong to be corrected.
I want equality for all. Regardless of gender, race, religion, et al. I am learning, as are others. While it is not your responsibility to educate us, support and assistance are always going to be appreciated. It will help us to move forward, to gain knowledge, and thus put up a better fight.
